Since I can no longer talk to you

Since I can no longer call you on the phone, or text you when I am feeling down, I am left to this blog.

Today I re-told that story of how you brought the water down to me at my graduation. I said it was the sweetest thing you had ever done for me. I think its true. Because when you got me flowers or made me dinner it was only because I complained you were not. That day was big for me, obviously I graduated college, but I wont ever forget what proved day. You made me feel special on your own not with out me making you. That means more then 20 dozen roses. Its all I ever really wanted from you. I just wanted you to want me.

Now that we are not together anymore I feel such a void. I was in love and now I am forcing myself to close off again. I think about you when I wake up in the morning. I think of you before I go to bed at night. You changed me in so many ways. But you stopped loving me. You stopped caring about me. If you cared you would try harder to be my friend so I wouldn't feel such a large void now. You made me hate you, just like you made me love you two years ago.

Remember when we bought Pookie? We went into the store just to look, I was so in love with you then. Remember when we picked out her name? I remember when you looked up Poukachev on wiki to learn more about him. I was so in love with you then too. I wanted to have a dog with you in a few years. Were you in love with me then? When were you in love with me? When did it end? I wish I was going to find out the answers but I fear I wont ever.

I just keep writing to you here because I cant call you on the phone or text you when I am feeling down.