Its quiet clear my trust was thrown out the door yesterday. I have been told by someone I have learned to admire that it would not be a problem to hire me here at Columbia. I was allowed to look for apartment. I was allowed to dream. I trusted her. I always thought and I told her, maybe they dont really want to hire me? Maybe you just think they might. No she said no, I am a shoe in, I already have the job.
So I made an appointment with a higher up. I asked straight out, do you have a place for me here at Columbia? No. You can imagine how the room started to spin. I was 90% sure that the answer would be yes. I was 90% sure I would be living with one of my best friends in a few months time. I was 90% sure I had my life planned for the next few years. But she said no. So I said thank you and left the room.
I dont know why I ever trusted her. I dont know why I believed that something like that would work out for me. I dident even want to work here when I started but now I do... and its so much more unfair because she made me want it. She made me want this life. Now I am back at square one. Back where I was 6 months ago. With an end date of an internship and nothing to go on after that.
and where it hurts even more is that the person i thought would understand the most and would make me feel better the most, does not get it in the least. so i am alone, not even able to call Jess who I am sure would make me feel better. :'( I just dont want to care anymore.
3 comments:
I am sorry Stef.
Some one changed their mind and you will never know who or why, exactly.
But I am sorry.
That's really lousy Stef. I'm sure you feel a little lost right now on what to do next since this door has been closed. All I can tell you is to keep moving forward and keep an eye out for that open window. I know there are great things out there for you.
Stef..I'm so sorry to hear this news. You are a very talented young lady and the right job is out there for you. Keep the faith...and remember you are on my mind..take care
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