*sigh*

There is so much I could report to this blog right now. I am sorry I have not been writing. Not really sorry to any one who read's because I am sure you guys don't care much about how often i post. I am sorry to myself. Writing helps me get rid of my pent up frustrations, of which I seem to have a lot right now. So I am extra tense not having done so in a while. Work is driving me fucking nuts, the people at work are driving me fucking nuts, my life is driving me fucking nuts. I am tired of wanting want I dont have and not being in control of my own present. I feel like every day I wake up and I am someplace not because I choose to be here but because fate has brought me here by some random series of events. Its horrible. The thing I want more then anything is the thing I cant have. It hurts and it hurts worse because I dont think anyone wants to accept it and face it.

Last night was a good example of not being in control. How does a good girl end up in a situation like that? What did I do so wrong? How did I manage to get into that car and not say 'hey wait... this is fucked up.' I dont control my own destiny, i don't control my own life.