Here I am, posting again. Do I know if I am coming back to blogging for a while- no. But I am going to put my heart down right now because its to much to hold into my own chest.
Me and Nate broke up. It was a mess. Its been two weeks. I have not seen him. I hardly talk to him. He was my best friend. I thought I wanted to spend my life with him. But now he is gone. And I have to learn to live with out him. Seems like it was just yesterday I was having trouble accepting his love. I was having "growing pains" of sorts. It was so hard to allow him to love me. I dident want to trust him. I knew it was likley to end this way. Me with a whole in my heart the size of the grand canyon. I think I am getting over him more, but then maybe I am just learning to cope with being miserable. Do I give up on the idea of being with him again? Or do I seal that part of my heart off for him and him alone. No I will not do that. He does not want my heart so I must try to move on. I will give him back the ring he gave me (his high school ring). I will be an adult, since he is not. I will allow myself to grieve and with a little help from my friends I will grow past him. Even as I write these words I doubt them. Why is it so hard to convince myself of this? My heart has not hurt this badly since Nonna died. I want the pain to end. I want to find peace but how do I get there? It seems so far away. It seems miles away from this place I have found myself in. I felt at ease when I was with him. I felt safe. Will I ever find that again? I wish it was going to be easy- but like everything what is really worth it is never easy.
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